Divorce

Startling - back in 2011, a news report stated that Muslim couple gets divorced every 15 minutes in Malaysia. Divorce among Muslims makes up 82 percent of total divorce in Malaysia even though Muslims make up only 60 percent of the population.


It must be said, this post may be a year late to that report but it's always of concern. Lately I've been getting such grim news from some of my closest friends. 


Here I am asking how's life and the response I get is "actually,we're no longer together", "I'm divorced", "we're on a trial separation"; okay the last one was made up but essentially for a particular case that's what's happening - they just don't term it that way.


I must admit here,the main cause in all of the cases to which I have knowledge of is caused by the guy. As much as I believe that the failure of marriage is the failure of both husband and wife, but someone must have the lion share of the blame, and as far as I know from my acquaintances, the guys have that share.


My general feeling when I find out is, of course first of all surprised. Then I'll ask questions, lots and lots of questions. I just simply do not understand how things cannot work out when several months ago everything was okay - not to say all rosie after 4-5 years of marriage,but there was no indication that everything would go pear shaped.


Cases vary from having another woman in the man's life, lack of understanding, lack of faith, failure to communicate, differences in beliefs. Usually my lady friend would say they would like things to work out and is still hopeful. I don't know how much they should ride on that. Sometimes, it is better to move on.


So here's what I think, going into a marriage of course everyone is confident that they are solemnizing to the one. Yes, ideally you would like to believe that you are going to spend the rest of your life with someone whom you love (and will love you back) and that person is as close to perfect as any person you'll ever meet. That confidence is good, but don't be so naive so as to think that you'll never find a person who is more attractive, kinder, gentler, whatever, there's always someone out there who would be able to outdo your spouse in whatever category. That's just human nature, no one's perfect. Admit that and you'll rest easy knowing that you're with someone who is perfect for you and loves you.


But that doesn't solve anything. The other thing that must be strong, and this is a little bit of a cliche, is the fundamentals. To me, fundamentals are based on two basic things: communications and trust. You like someone, tell your spouse. Tell your spouse what you like about that person. In an ideal situation, your spouse would be understanding and would try to understand what you want. Face it, love is a feeling. Fondness to a person however is based on superficial factors like looks, character, attitude. None of which is ever consistent. But it does influence feelings.


You don't go into a marriage one day thinking you can stay the same forever as the day before solemnization, that's ridiculous. Living with another person is totally different. Feelings are volatile. But if you make your feelings known (communication) and you try not to judge (trust) then things can be worked out.


What can't be worked out however is beliefs. This is tricky. If you don't believe in the same thing, more than likely it will not work out. I'm not sure whether love is stronger than belief. I have no strong opinion on this.


I'm already into my 5th year of marriage and it obviously has its ups and downs. But one thing my wife and I always do is talk. 5 years isn't long, I know, there's that 7 year itch thing I've been hearing and which I'm looking forward to. Why? Because I do have confidence in my marriage and any hindrances, to me, is a lesson. If there's a breakdown somewhere it should be straightened out swiftly. I've given up trying to be perfect, What I will never give up doing is to consider the feelings of those around me and the impact it would have on everyone. I used to be very defensive, but I know it's wrong. When it's your fault, it's your fault. There's not a time when you're not at all to blame. None. Share the blame.


But divorce, it's tricky. There's no answer to a failed marriage. It just fails.

Getting rid of the rust...

Very rusty. Very rusty indeed. Haven't been writing in this here blog for almost a year now (last post June 18 2011,post Bersih 2.0). So where do I begin? Maybe I'll just post random thoughts on anything that I can think of.


Twitter; been doing a lot of tweeting lately. I guess I still have the urge to write but haven't got the time (or just lazy). The thing about twitter is, it's 140 characters. My rantings are usually long and at times structured, therefore there's still a gaping hole where my 'satisfaction level' is concerned. Anyhoo, In twitter there are several types of people. Those who think they're kingmakers, the IT (that's 'it' not 'Information Technology', damn you acronyms of the world) crowd who thinks very highly of themselves; those who post very random stuff, usually very friendly and this is  the group I like; the emotional youngsters who I find very set to their age group stereotype; and the rest who just tweet for the love of tweeting and connecting with people. Of course this list is not exhaustive but I find these four big groups to be more apparent than others.


Politics; Not much have changed. If you don't believe me, read my last ever post on Bersih 2.0 and everything said there applies to Bersih 3.0. The difference being I was actually at the rally this time and not blocked from entering KL like the last time. Election is very near and you can already feel the heat. Election itself hasn't been called but the campaigning has started. BN (in particular UMNO) is back to its usual thuggery after a relatively brief layoff, whilst PR now have to deal with a lot of things coming its way. A lot of them are set to face court time and of course the usual UMNO-PAS muzakarah, DAP trying to takeover Malaysia,non-Malay PM,sex scandals involving opposition leaders, etc. One issue that really stands out in my eyes is the Scorpene case but a lot of people give it a miss because it's not mainstream. Just let me state here: YOUR PM IS BEING MENTIONED IN A FRENCH COURT FOR HIS INVOLVEMENT IN AN INTERNATIONAL SCANDAL...OPEN YOUR EYES AND QUESTION WHAT'S NEEDED TO BE QUESTIONED. I'm not implying anything though. *not seditious, not seditious, not seditious*


Football; Euro is about to start. I'm supporting France because I'm 1/8 French (I'm lying). With Blanc I have more confidence in the team. I seriously hated Domenech; I thought he ruined the French team when most their star players were at their peak (Henry, Zidane, Thuram) and that's a pity. On the domestic front (not that I'm staying in England) Arsenal did well last season taking into consideration all the mess they created with the Fabregas/Nasri affair and not signing players early on. I've always had faith in Wenger, never doubted him and the team once. It's good that we had a very bumpy ride, at least we know that in the end, Arsenal is a team built on a very strong foundation and that no matter who plays for us,we're still a top team.


Sigh, I'm quite disappointed with my comeback entry. But, again rusty, very rusty.

The Bersih rally, me and my noodle-brain

I seriously don’t get it. I don’t.

If Bersih 2.0 wants to rally for a free and fair election (note the word ‘rally’ as opposed to ‘protest’) why can’t the government support it?

Points have been made about how streets have been closed on certain days and weekends for events like concerts, youth rallies, bicycle races and such, why not a rally for a good cause?

Of course there’s a political agenda behind it. Of course the opposition is in support of it. However, the message that they are trying to deliver is noble enough.

Then there’s PERKASA.

They don’t like what Bersih 2.0 is doing because according to them, it would disturb the country’s peace and the people’s business. Yes, unlike the abovementioned concerts, youth rallies and bicycle races – those are good, they use public funds, they are good for business because not only is there media publicity but also people gather by the thousands.

Bersih’s rally does not use public funds, they are not good for business because only rowdy people gather by the thousands and there’s only bad media publicity.

Can we not see any positives from peaceful rally that wants to see free and fair elections? Don’t that connote a healthy democracy? A healthy democracy which would attract good publicity for the government. The west loovvvveeesss a healthy democracy. It won’t drive investors away. Seriously.

But here’s the kick. To counter the protest, PERKASA wants to stage their own protest. WHAT THE FISH? FISH THE WHAT THE?

They are careful enough not to say they are against the rally because that would mean they are against free and fair election. That much they can think of. So they went the ‘the-protest-is-nuisance’ route and their solution is to stage their own protest because that obviously wouldn’t disturb peace.

Let me try and draw this up: A planned peaceful rally can only be nullified by a protest which promises a lot of ‘action’ that would guarantee the peaceful rally would not disturb others’ peace because the counter-protest would be handled by thuggish man who based on past precedents are known to be a little bit boisterous (to put it mildly).

To summarise, they don’t want the rally to take place so they will be police for the day. Of course we know the police will see them as police-friendly and not take action against them no matter how unruly they become and would only ‘take care’ of Ambiga and her mates of disruptive activists.

Why can’t people support a call for free and fair election!! I don’t understand. My simple mind just cannot comprehend…why??? Aarrgghhh it hurts...thinking about this hurts my noodle-brain…errrkkk.

PAS for ALL except UMNO

I’m amazed by the amount of fling flangs (my own word) that has been thrown about lately concerning the PAS election. I myself am just an observer with no direct interest nor much knowledge to the proceedings.

To put it bluntly, I know the people, I don’t really know what their agendas are.

Pre-election, there were quite a bit of interest especially Utusan. Not a surprise here, they really think they are the greatest influence of Malay mindset – regardless if anyone actually reads Utusan.

Post-election, BOOM! Okay to me that’s the sound of an out-of-nowhere-eruption.

Muhyidding starts talking about it, Utusan cannot stop rambling, TV3, Awani, TV1, The Star, Nazri Aziz…whoever.

Here’s the thing. All of these media people and some politicians here are saying that PAS has abandoned their principle and that they are not focused on their Islamic roots. Nazri Aziz went as far as saying that PAS is now corrupted with power.

Great stuff sir, if only you’re not a black pot. Not saying I agree with you. Just saying that you are only reminding us of UMNO’s characteristics and you’re calling on it. As if talking to a mirror. A clear, mirror.

Most are also saying that the Erdogen clan (the progressive thinking, less Islamic group) has taken over. Correct me if I’m wrong but the likes of Mat Sabu, Mahfuz Omar, Husam Musa, Salahuddin Ayub are all PAS members since I was even born. Mat Sabu is just as Islamic as Nasharuddin. Who’s to say those who won aren’t?

I would also like to correct one thing. Even though some associate the “less Islamic” group with Erdogen because of the Turkish PM’s close affiliation with Anwar, but does anyone even realize that Recep Tayyip Erdogen actually made Turkey more Islamic than it was before? Therefore, Erdogen should be associated with the “more Islamic” group by principle, right?

Anyway, this is pretty much obvious but I would like to just say it again, the flogging (I would term it) by the media an UMNO politicians are simply because they are not happy with the election results.

Everyone knows they are hoping to unite UMNO with PAS but that plan have been thoroughly derailed by this development.

My beef with that is this, why do they really think they need to have control over all things? Their attitude borderlines lunacy if you really think about it. Utusan really thought they could influence PAS members to elect their choice of candidate – they campaigned harder than any of the nominees. Why?

Then Muhyiddin really thought he can influence the rakyat, especially the Malays, into thinking PAS has abandoned us. Really? PAS is a party of Muslims who conducts their election the same way UMNO does. What makes UMNO’s elected candidate more credible than PAS’? Because they don’t elect the one you wanted?

Nazri then thought he can influence the other PR members into thinking that PAS wants to overthrow them and at the same time influence the whole of Malaysia that PAS is now a selfish party that is crazy for power. I note however that to come to that conclusion Nazri, in his own way, kind of said that PAS is no different than UMNO (which to me refers to UMNO being power crazy/corrupt).

This people only sees one view and that’s theirs. Their mind are so narrow-minded that they really thought what they think/say is the gospel. No they are not. People have their own mind. I don’t really need anyone to think for me. Whether as a human or a Malay. I can think for myself thank you. Your unyielding need to constantly remind me how to think and what to think is getting a tad bid pathetic.

Thanks but no thanks.

I like the new line-up not because it is aligned with Anwar of because they are more progressive thinking. But because they have the same ideals as I do. I’m not too familiar with all of them but let me be pathetic this once, because you all hate that they are elected, I know they are the best candidates.

The Christian PM issue - sheer stupidity

I find myself more and more relented when it comes to the incessant fear instilling, hate mongering and controversy spewing tactics laid down by UMNO and its cohorts lately. Not only are they blatant in treating the rakyat as dimwitted buffoons, but they do it in a way which shows how much they don’t care that they themselves look like dimwitted buffoons (which by the looks of it, is not that hard).

I would have to direct this entry to the pro-UMNO bloggers rather than the politicians who right now seems like they are taking cue from the bloggers rather than the opposite.

Of course, some of these bloggers might well be on someone’s payroll but that only shows how powerful a single person can be in politics.

The issue on Christianity and Christian PM is by far the stupidest thing to come up – bypassing sodomy, sex tape and terrorist-minded journalist who must be detained under ISA for reporting truths.

The stupidity becomes evident by the lack of support the two pro-UMNO bloggers (who started it all, Big Dog and Marahku) have from their own ‘friends’. Now even Khairy is condemning Big Dog – of course some would say it has got to do more with the whole Kalimullah/ECM Libra issue more than anything.

The whole problem with this claim made by Big Dog, which has not been supported, is that it is illogical. Sodomy, sure you can pin that on anyone. Sex tape, why not. Terrorist-minded journalist, if they sympathize them enough anyone could be a terrorist.

But a Christian PM? In a Muslim majority, Christian minority (10%) democratic country?

I’ve written on this before in my previous blog - contents of which I’ve deleted (much like Marahku) - when the issue of a Chinese PM cropped up a year or two ago. Again I’m going to use the same logic and reasoning.

This is a democratic country, where the majority are Muslim Malays. In a democratic country, leaders are elected by the majority - but I don't want to get into the details of popular vote and all that. Sadly in Malaysia, it is dominated by race-based polarization. Therefore like it or not everything is determined by one’s race. Well to those ultra-Malays/Chinese/Indian who are intolerant of a cohesive Malaysia or 1Malaysia if you like, this is great.

However, this idea of fearing for the worst – in this case a Christian PM – still comes from this group of people. On one hand you enjoy the current status quo and know that this is the best approach to your narrow-minded philosophy, on the other hand you fear that this same system could be so easily manipulated by impossible means.

How stupid are you?

Sakmongkol AK47 have written on this and I'm going to repeat it with my own version of things - rather more simple-minded and less eloquent. There are three (3) things protecting you, wahai si kurang bijaksana:

- your own race, which is the majority

- the constitution and the parliament which is dominated by matters that according to you is to your best interest (I’ll explain)

- the Malay rulers

You are one of the majority. According to you and UMNO which speaks for the majority apparently (me included), the country cannot accept a non-Malay, non-Muslim ruler. What can you do about that? Stir up a stupid controversy for one. Might I suggest, and this may be too hard for you to comprehend, you go vote for what you believe in. Then, make your race the majority in Parliament. That wouldn’t be hard given that it will always be the majority because of the aforementioned racial polarization in the country. If you still fear for your future, make lots more babies.

The constitution and parliament has in place a protective shield for the Malays. It is embedded. The only way to change that is to have the Parliament vote otherwise. Of course this must be done by those elected into the Parliament. If for example by some freak of nature the majority of the Parliamentarians vote for a non-Muslim Prime Minister then…well the majority have spoken. That is no one’s fault but the majority of the population (did I mention that Malays make up the majority?).

The Malay rulers are still in existent. If for example they see it fit not to have a non-Malay as Prime Minister and not to have Christianity as the official religion then they can always speak up. The still have certain powers embedded in them to act. If people want to take away this power they have to got to go Parliament again (back to my previous point) and change them. Thanks to your beloved Dr.M this was made easier. But still, if the majority of the Parliamentarians don’t feel like it, then don’t change it.

Do you really foresee a Malay majority parliament suddenly giving a vote of confidence to a non-Malay PM and voting for Christianity to be the official religion. Really?

These bloggers are the same people who once brought up the issue of Penang DAP turning the island into a republic much like Singapore. Well of course doing that is as easy as taking one puzzle piece off the rest…eh wait, no it’s not!

Unless a referendum is called and the whole of Penang wants to be like Singapore and then going through the whole process of creating a whole new nation, I really don’t foresee it happening. If you don’t like the idea don’t vote for it!!!

The worst thing about them (the bloggers) is that they write so beautifully with so much class – making them seem intelligent and their argument seems intellectual. But if you actually read what they write, most of them are just spewing out shit.

Then Utusan picks it up as if it's real news. But Utusan, we all know, don't even write well and they are basically the mouthpiece of UMNO rather an actual newspaper. I coin them as "a well run advertisement company for UMNO".

Sigh. Seriously, you know people who surf the internet are smarter than that right? Of course there are those can’t different between peas and a little rock but most of us are not that stupid. Stop making us look stupid!